Giving Forgiveness

Blog #5

I am sure we have all been wronged or hurt in our lives.  I know I have been hurt by other’s words and actions. Sometimes these hurts are little and other times they are significant hurts that jeopardize the relationship.  The hurts can be direct and purposeful and other times indirect and on accident. But I am left with a flood of emotions: hurt, anger, betrayal, frustration, misunderstanding, questions, tears,  and a break in relationship. Then we are left with what to do next. Do I forgive? Can I forgive? Why should I forgive? How do I forgive?

All of these are valid and normal questions to ask.  Forgiveness is a difficult process but one that is essential to our emotional well-being.  If we continue to hold onto hurts and become bitter and resentful we miss opportunities to experience joy, peace, hope, gratitude, and connection.  I often tell those I work with and have also seen in my own life forgiveness isn’t about the other person; it’s about what it brings you. We often think if we forgive someone then we are communicating the wrong committed is okay.  We also think if we forgive then we forget the impact the act had on us. Both are misperceptions about forgiveness. However, forgiveness can lessen the grip the hurt has on us by freeing up emotional space for empathy and compassion to exist.  Unfortunately, when we do not forgive the bitterness and resentment does not reside just in that particular hurt but rather it will permeate and fill other places in our heart. We do not just feel bitterness towards that one person or in that one area but it creeps into how we look at the world, how we see others, and how we interact in all relationships.  

Forgiveness can show us so much about ourselves and free up space where peace and love can exist.  Forgiveness can lead to healthier relationships, improved mental health, decreased depression and anxiety symptoms, and stronger self-esteem.  Remember forgiveness is a choice and a process. It will not just happen because one day you wake up and decide to forgive. That is a good first step but it takes many more steps of choosing forgiveness each day.  Focusing on empathy and your own emotions, reflecting on when you have experienced forgiveness from others, a journal for self-reflection, and seeking assistance from a mental health professional are all viable steps in your journey to forgiveness.  

Rebecca

Sweet Sibling Moments

Blog #4

This past weekend I was able to witness something so sweet between my 2 tween daughters.  My daughters are 51 weeks to the day apart and we are entering this challenging pre-teen/teen space with the normal hormonal reactions all parents face in this season of parenting.  While my girls are close they have their little hiccups along the way where connection is lost or broken and we are navigating these challenges with the ultimate goal of instilling a life long sibling bond that will transition into adulthood.  When they are at each other and nit picking at every little thing the other does I wonder if we will ever get there but this weekend while my middle daughter experienced a game ending strikeout in a tournament championship that left her sad, disappointed, and feeling as though she let her team mates down I saw something that took my breath away.  In the grand scheme of life this one game may seem inconsequential to most; but in her little 11-year-old world and in that moment, it was a huge deal. She received words of encouragement from her team mates, coaches, and other parents but it was the sweet moment between her and her sister once the dust settled that left me experiencing such hope and gratitude for these two sweet girls God gave me.  

As my middle packed up her gear in the dugout that had already been cleared out by her team mates and coaches my oldest daughter quietly slipped into the dugout and embraced her sister who then began to weep in her big sister’s arms.   As the other team continued to celebrate with their championship trophy and fellow team mates, coaches, and family clearing the softball complex they both just stayed in the dugout in that embrace for several moments. Eventually my oldest whispered something to her little sister that brought a smile to her face and turned into sweet laughter.  They then walked out of the complex together my oldest having her arm around her little sister’s shoulders the entire way.

This sweet exchange reminded me something so beautiful about how we can love, support, and encourage those around us.  As a mom I wanted to run over and go into a long explanation about it wasn’t her fault, there were two other outs before hers, there were some errors on the field, the other team hit the ball well and on and on trying to convince her she didn’t let anyone down, she has so many strengths and gifts and she can learn so much from the experiences where we don’t achieve results we want.  But what I saw was her sweet sister offer a hug filled with unconditional love, support, and empathy. She couldn’t change the outcome of the game or that her sister made the last out. I have no idea what she said to her sister that help bring a smile to her face and I don’t have to know because it was their moment, a moment filled with connection, a moment that will forever be cemented to an experience that started with pain but ended in being cared for.  

What a sweet gift we can give others to see them exactly where they are, provide an empathetic response, and communicate through our words and actions.  I want to challenge everyone this week to be aware of those around you, look up from your phones, look around when you are sitting at your kids’ games, be aware of those in the check-out line behind you, see your kids, spouse or friends that may be hurting and ask yourself “how can I offer support?”  What an amazing thing we can do for each other when we actually slow down and connect through our experiences!

Rebecca

Mental Health Awareness Month

Rebecca’s Blog

May is Mental Health Awareness month and as I am sitting to write this blog I knew the focus would be on reducing the stigma for the 1 in 4 people who suffers from some form of mental illness in our country today.  I was going to get on my soapbox about the importance of creating a culture where everyone feels empowered to seek help and we eliminate the shame associated with seeking mental health services.  As I was thinking about how to do this I began to think through my days at the clinic and realized what gifts I have been given through my work as a mental health professional.  I am incredibly blessed to be trusted by so many people to walk along side them in their journey.  I often get asked why I do this work, I get asked if it is depressing or if I get sick of hearing people’s “problems”. 

My answer is this; I do this work because I value each and every person God puts in my path.  I choose to see their strength and when their fear and shame are lying to them I am privileged to speak truth to them. Can the pain of others wear us out; yes.  Do we often get frustrated when we see continued dysfunction; yes.   But we also see those who are fighting a monstrous battle to change their circumstances, to grow in each trial they face, and challenge the shame that is gripping them.  As they embark on these journeys that is where amazing things begin to happen.  We get to witness our clients finally experiencing what we have known all along.  They begin to see their value, worth and strength.  This gives us hope, it gives us light in really dark places, and we get the opportunity to see Jesus in places others shy away from.  What a blessing it is! 

I am going to be honest there are days where there is such a dim light in a great vastness of darkness. In these places we shed tears, get angry, and hit our knees in prayer because we hurt with and for our clients, but in these moments, God is always present and He always gives us glimpses of peace, moments of clarity, and opportunities to teach us things that are so valuable about our fellow human beings.  Never in a million years did I think that was going to happen when we opened the doors 4 years ago.  Along this journey we learn about resiliency, strength, fortitude, and empowerment.  That is what I want everyone to take away from a month designed to bring Mental Health Awareness; regardless of the clinical symptoms, regardless of the circumstances, there is help available, there are tools that can alleviate symptoms, but more importantly there are things to be learned about each and every one of us.  Letting go of the shame mental illness can bring creates space for this resiliency, strength, fortitude and empowerment to grow and create opportunities for greatness!

Comparison - not an On/Off Switch, but more of a dimmer.

As I prepared to write this blog I am struggling with what to even write about!  I threw around some ideas, went back to my list of ideas I had generated a few months ago and……nothing. Then I had some quiet time reflecting on the last couple of weeks and I was led to some amazing exchanges with not only clients but my own support system.   These moments were such sweet reminders of how valuable and healing it can be to have people in your life come alongside you and believe in you when you struggle, see your greatness when you are blinded by insecurity or shame, and challenge you far beyond what you believe you are capable of.   

What a powerful gift we have to be that to those in our lives.   We are the most effective at this when we are authentic. Especially in the midst of shame or insecurity we often try to be someone we are not.  We want to be like the moms we see on Facebook or the friends that balance it all everyday with grace and poise. We try to be like them in constant comparison. But what healing comes when we realize we are unique and leave the moment of comparison behind. When we compare ourselves to others or become laden with insecurity we limit our greatness and diminish the gifts unique to us we have to love those around us.   What a journey it can be to stop the comparison and judgement of ourselves but what a gift we give ourselves when we can!

I would love to tell you self-acceptance is like an on/off switch where you just decide one day that you are done with comparison, insecurity, and shame but unfortunately it is more like a dimmer switch.  There are days and sometimes seasons where we stay in this longer than we want to but being aware of this battle and focus small daily reminders of who we are and our strengths can help us find this self-acceptance.  

It is my hope and prayer we can seek this self-acceptance through tackling those things we need to change, show ourselves grace in the process, and ultimately find peace self-acceptance can bring.  In this journey surround yourself with those support systems who will champion you in your efforts and strive to provide the same love in return. Walking in our journeys with each other can facilitate such authentic moments of connection with friends, family, and loved ones while we encourage each other in our struggles and celebrate our victories!

Rebecca

Gratitude, Strength & Awe

As I look back over the journey of this office the last four years I am amazed by how God has orchestrated such a challenging and enriching experience for me.  This office was born out of a leap of faith after asking Jesus about how He wants me to further His Kingdom.  I went to bed that night and literally awoke the next morning with a plan for a mental health clinic founded on Christian principles welcoming everyone exactly where they are with no judgments and with an atmosphere of warmth, openness, and love.  It was a leap of faith, one that has evolved into a practice I am proud and humbled by every day.  We are so fortunate and blessed the members of our community trust us to walk along side them in their journeys.  They are looking for help but more importantly hope.  Hope that will facilitate healing and growth.  

During each one of our expansions and growth endeavors I am in awe of how God has provided and knitted together an amazing group of professionals committed to the same vision and mission.  I am blown away by my fellow professionals every day in the way they empower, pour into, and encourage everyone they meet and work with.  I know each and everyone that walks through our doors whether they seek mental health services or spa services will be honored, respected, and valued.  

In our home we try to operate from a place of gratitude and everyday I am grateful to come to a place that embodies strength and hope to all we work with.  Gratitude and joy can breathe such life into our heartache and our journey.  I would challenge each of you to try and begin and end each day from place of gratitude.  Try to focus on details of your life or situations not just generalizations.  These details help us stay grounded in our blessings and allows room for growth.  Being grateful also counteracts our stressors and helps balance our mood when we are feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.  

As we look to 2018 we are grateful for each of you and believe in your strength, your value, and your worth.  

Rebecca