reetings all! I am a new mommy to a sweet little boy. What a miracle and experience being pregnant and childbirth is for a person and their significant. I remember shortly after we found out I was pregnant I told my husband we needed to take birthing classes because we needed to be prepared and learn how to take care of a baby. So as the time drew near, we took our birthing classes. We learned about preterm labor, signs of labor, pain management, and all the not so pleasant details in-between. However, what no one talked to us about was how having a baby will affect us, as a couple and what it will do to our marriage. No one told us that we would have to whisper to communicate so we didn’t wake up the baby. No one told us that the majority of our conversations would be spent at the changing table or with a bottle (of milk ). No one told us that “worn out” would be our new looks. And no one told us the added stress of loving our new baby would give us both very short tempers with each other. But that is exactly what it is like and I will be honest and real with you, it is an adjust not just individually but for our marriage. The time we use to have to dote on each other, is now no longer there. We are either feeding baby, changing a diaper, cleaning and filling bottles, or too sleep deprived to have a conversation. I never thought I would have to work so hard to spend time with my husband or to have a decent conversation with him. However, that is where we are at. Our attention is no long just on us and each other, it has now shifted to our sweet, new baby; and that is a really hard adjustment and can be very hard on a marriage. Making time for each other is essential for your marriage and being flexible enough to change your schedules around to create that time with each other. Whatever that looks like in your life and schedule, whether it is to stay up 10 extra minutes at night to talk, taking a long lunch to spend time with each other, or planning weekly nights out with just the two of you. It is also terribly essential to have complete open communication with each other to talk about stresses and this ever so changing schedule and routine. Being able to communicate what you are struggling with and what you are needing from your partner is the only way you are going to be able to do this together. It is easy to put all your time and attention on your children, but it is so important to not forget your significant other and maintain that healthy balance between being a parent and partner. When your children are all gone and out of the house, you don’t want to be left with a stranger.
Thanks!
Hanah, LCSW