Talking nice during a conflict, is that possible?
Conflict; a clash of interests that can randomly pop up in nearly every relationship. This may include a significant other, coworker, employer, teacher, friend, or family member. Conflicts are going to happen, they are inevitable because we are not robots, we are humans, and we all have our own brains, which means we all have our own opinions, morals, and values. Because of those facts, we are guaranteed to have conflicts with people. The important thing to remember with conflict, is that they do not have to be destructive; rather, productive and crucial for healthy relationships. However, how can you maintain healthy communication during conflicts, so they can remain positive, and not destructive? Communication is key during conflicts and there are a number of things to keep in mind to make conflicts productive.
1. Use I-Statements
a. By using I-Statements you are making your complaint about you, rather than placing blame on the person that you are arguing with
2. Calm yourself before you bring up a complaint
a. It is so important to start a conflict in a calm fashion, because chances are you are going to get worked up if you are faced with resistance, and the more worked up you get, the more destructive the conflict will be.
3. Keep it specific
a. Try and stay focused on one topic, and that topic being the one that was initially brought up. It is very easy in conflicts to jump from one topic to another in a way to defend yourself or distract the other person, and all that is doing is adding fuel to the fire, and not accomplishing anything
4. Talk about what you do need, rather than what you don’t
a. By focusing on what you do need, this is going to keep the conversation moving in a positive, progressive manner, rather than keeping it frozen in time and going back and forth with not progression
5. Be kind!
a. This is the most important rule of all. Whoever you are in a conflict with, chances are you care about them to some degree, so it is crucial to keep in mind that words are said and can not be taken back. Therefore, you have to be mindful if the things you are saying are going to hurt that person, long after this conflict is over.
On a closing note, a quote by Max Lucado sums up communication and conflict, “Conflict is inevitable but combat is optional.”
Hanah