Blog #5
I am sure we have all been wronged or hurt in our lives. I know I have been hurt by other’s words and actions. Sometimes these hurts are little and other times they are significant hurts that jeopardize the relationship. The hurts can be direct and purposeful and other times indirect and on accident. But I am left with a flood of emotions: hurt, anger, betrayal, frustration, misunderstanding, questions, tears, and a break in relationship. Then we are left with what to do next. Do I forgive? Can I forgive? Why should I forgive? How do I forgive?
All of these are valid and normal questions to ask. Forgiveness is a difficult process but one that is essential to our emotional well-being. If we continue to hold onto hurts and become bitter and resentful we miss opportunities to experience joy, peace, hope, gratitude, and connection. I often tell those I work with and have also seen in my own life forgiveness isn’t about the other person; it’s about what it brings you. We often think if we forgive someone then we are communicating the wrong committed is okay. We also think if we forgive then we forget the impact the act had on us. Both are misperceptions about forgiveness. However, forgiveness can lessen the grip the hurt has on us by freeing up emotional space for empathy and compassion to exist. Unfortunately, when we do not forgive the bitterness and resentment does not reside just in that particular hurt but rather it will permeate and fill other places in our heart. We do not just feel bitterness towards that one person or in that one area but it creeps into how we look at the world, how we see others, and how we interact in all relationships.
Forgiveness can show us so much about ourselves and free up space where peace and love can exist. Forgiveness can lead to healthier relationships, improved mental health, decreased depression and anxiety symptoms, and stronger self-esteem. Remember forgiveness is a choice and a process. It will not just happen because one day you wake up and decide to forgive. That is a good first step but it takes many more steps of choosing forgiveness each day. Focusing on empathy and your own emotions, reflecting on when you have experienced forgiveness from others, a journal for self-reflection, and seeking assistance from a mental health professional are all viable steps in your journey to forgiveness.
Rebecca